Minha Vida em Macrovision

It doesn't matter how older I get I still feel the same 6 year old kid who once fell inside a sewerage system while I was trying to impress my mother trying to make her change her mind into staying at home with me instead of going to work. I was 6 years old in an afternoon of 1987 when I was spinning very fast on the street in front of my house. Inside my head and on the tip of my lips I was humming almost silently "mommy, don't leave, don't leave me...". There's was no sun. I was a very comfortable cloudy afternoon. I was spinning with my eyes closed. I was feeding myself from the that dizzy sensation. From the sound of the street. From the sound of my won steps when suddenly it all got dark and humid.

Even thought I had my eyes already opened I was so dizzy that I could not focus on anything. For some moment I kept quiet before I realized what happened and then start crying. I wasn't tall enough to get out. All I could do was look up and wonder if anybody would ever see me inside the sewerage system and take me out. I spent just a couple of minutes there. But it felt like years until a neighbour took me out.

After 22 years, today I still feel like that kid in size and heart. Still have my parents around, same caracters, different meaning now. Guiding me in my own terms and social limitations... and capable to love the way I am.

But right now it is not about rescue or love. It is about direction. This year began and have this urgency to move. To find another home and finally let me go into something new. I need movement.